


Bill and Ted's Gas Station Brawl

by triplenegative



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, Nipple Piercings, Smooching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 08:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16301891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplenegative/pseuds/triplenegative
Summary: Basically this started as a joke but I couldn't leave it there and Just Kept Going!Bill gets his fucken nips pierced and then he and Ted brawl some dude in the circle gay- I mean circle k. What Happens Next Will Shock You!Also I'm sorry I'm not the smartest bowl in the drawer of bowls so I cant tag things very well just read it i promise you'll like it or I'll steal your teeth





	Bill and Ted's Gas Station Brawl

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the middle of the night because I kept talking about bill and ted's bodacious nips so like,, I'm sorry

“You sure you wanna do this dude?”

“Ted, my friend, I survived piercing my ears and my tongue, how much worse can this be?”

That last bit sounded apprehensive, like Bill was trying to convince himself. Ted shifted anxiously from foot to foot as the piercer put on gloves. Bill grabbed for his hand, and Ted held it to his chest. Bill could probably feel his heartbeat. He was nervous, and he wasn't even the one getting stabbed. 

He glanced down at Bill, and at the sight of him laying half naked holding Ted’s hand he decided to keep his eyes on the piercer lady instead. Now was not the time to get sidetracked by Bill’s most distracting chest. He watched as the lady leaned over Bill, felt as Bill squeezed his hand, and he looked away. He waited until he heard a slow exhalation from Bill, and that's when he knew the first one was done.

Bill let his head fall back against Ted’s stomach behind him, and he looked up at Ted. He looked relieved and mumbled “wasn't too bad, you should try it.”

He laughed as Ted shook his head rigorously, and winced when the needle went through him a second time. The two of them looked down at the same time, equally mesmerized by Bill’s newly pierced nipples. Bill looked back up at Ted and grinned from ear to ear.

“It looks totally awesome, dude! Whaddya think?”

Ted pushed his hair out of his face and looked thoughtful before replying “I think you won't be able to sleep on your stomach for weeks, dude.”

The two of them laughed and wiggled their fingers together for a moment before Bill sat up and the piercer lady started talking. Ted didn't really hear what she was saying, he was distracted, but he was jolted to attention when she said “You might need to have your boyfriend help clean them, it helps when you can't feel the pain yourself.”

Ted watched from above as Bill’s ears turned red, and when Bill asked about sleeping on his stomach, Ted wondered why he hadn't said they weren't together. I mean, they were together, but not together together. Ted didn't like to think about it too hard. Ted didn't like to think about a lot of things very hard.

He spaced out again, staring blankly at the curls piled on Bill’s head, until Bill stood up and he was snapped back to reality. He followed Bill around until they made it back to the van, trying and failing to not think about what if he and Bill were boyfriends, and what if Bill wanted that in real life, and what if Bill didn't, and what if Bill would hate him if he told him that they should be boyfriends.

He was pulled from his thoughts again by Bill putting an arm on his shoulder and looking at him, visibly concerned.

“Are you okay dude?”

Ted shook his head and cleared this thoughts.

“I'm fine. Do you wanna stop at the circle k to get snacks for tonight?”

Bill didn't look convinced, but he gave a cautious “okay,” and pulled into the gas station.

Ted practically ran inside, and stood still among the candy to think about Bill being worried about him. He started picking out candy at random, his thoughts frustratingly circular around Bill.

When Bill came in and Ted gave him the candy that he'd picked out, Bill traded peanut butter cups for a three musketeers, prompting a scoff from Ted, and with that they grabbed sodas and went to pay. 

While the cashier rang up their plethora of sugary nonsense, some asshole from school walked in, saw them, and yelled a word that Ted’s dad liked to call him. Not a good word. Ted could feel himself pull his arms around his stomach and slump his shoulders. He really didn't like that particular word.

Bill however, didn't hesitate to whirl around, grab one of their soda cans, and hurl it full speed at the kid’s feet, effectively creating a carbonated sugar bomb. It exploded most satisfyingly on him, and Bill called out “Keep your mouth shut, dickweed!” before turning to casually pay for his half of the snacks. Ted could barely believe what he'd seen, usually when someone called them names, often pertaining to their supposed gayness, Bill would just roll his eyes and move on. Why had this time been different?

As Ted grabbed their three bags of junk food and Bill pocketed all the leftover change, the angry soda covered kid stormed over to them, clearly upset and rearing to fight. Bill saw him coming, tossed the remaining change to the cashier who couldn't care less about a possible impending fight, and grabbed Ted’s hand. Ted was surprised, even jumped a little, Bill only held his hand when he was about to do something painful. Ted then fully took in the situation. The soda covered dickweed, Bill squeezing his hand, the gasoline tank in Soda Asshole’s hand. He squeezed Bill’s hand back, and Bill stood a little taller.

“Can we help you, asshole?”

Ted immediately started thinking of scathing names to call the Soda Asshole so he could back Bill up.

Soda Asshole scoffed at Bill, and took off his jacket. 

“Is that all you got, you slimy little shithead?” Soda asshole spat, and Ted started to feel like he might be sick.

Bill gave Ted’s hand another squeeze, and Ted took his turn to rise to his full height.

“Piss off, loser.” 

This didn't seem to have much effect on Soda Asshole. He sneered at the two of them.

“I'd appreciate it if you two would stop being so disgusting in public. You really gotta shove it in my face, huh?”

Bill and Ted both looked confused, before Ted said “You got something against hand holding?”

Soda Asshole slammed his gas can down on their arms, effectively splitting their hands apart. Ted hated fighting, he didn't wanna do this, but Bill reacted by kicking his leg up. Hard. Soda Asshole got hit in the stomach. Bill looked down at him bent over and grimaced, and Ted didn't miss it. Bill didn't really like fighting either. Soda asshole decided to take his chances, and he looked up from being bent over to spit at Bill. He lurched up and punched Bill in the face, and Ted let out a whimper by accident. He hated it when Bill got hurt. 

Bill retaliated by shoving Soda Asshole over, but Soda Asshole kicked up just right and hit Bill right in his sore chest. He stumbled back in pain and started coughing, and when blood dripped out of his mouth something in Ted clicked.

Soda Asshole had pulled himself up off the floor, and Ted punched him so hard in the face he fell back down. It really hurt, but Ted dropped down to straddle Soda Asshole anyway, who was probably more hurt than him now that he thought about it. Soda Asshole couldn't get out from under Ted’s weight, and when Bill groaned and pulled himself over Soda Asshole stopped struggling as much. Bill stopped across from Ted so they could both look down at the sticky dickweed. Bill glanced up at Ted, winked, and grinned down at Soda Asshole.

“You wanna see in your face, huh?”

And with that he pulled Ted to lean forward over Soda Asshole’s head and kissed him. Soda Asshole started yelling, Bill kissed Ted harder, and Ted just tried his best to process what exactly was going on.

By the time he'd finally gotten over it and started kissing back, police sirens pulled up outside and none other than Ted’s dad, Captain Logan himself, burst into the room.

It must've been quite a sight, his son sitting on top of a bloody, sticky, screaming teenager and making out with his best friend, who was also bleeding.

Oh man, he was in so much trouble. He may as well pack his bags for Oat’s military academy now.

Bill finally pulled back and Ted followed suit, flipping his hair out of his face and smiling sheepishly up at captain Logan.

“Hey dad.”

“Theodore Logan, you get in my car right this instant.”

Ted scrambled up, mumbling a quick “yes sir” and scurried out to the cop car. He got halfway in, looked back inside and saw Bill being cuffed, and he got out of the car again. He ran back inside just as fast as he'd left, barely stopping himself from slamming his face into the door.

“Dad, you can't put him in handcuffs!”

“Theodore. Get. In. The. Car.”

Ted shook his head slowly.

“Dad, I think you should get in the car.”

Captain Logan grabbed Bill by the back of the neck, having finished cuffing him. Bill winced.

“Ted, just get in the car dude.”

“Bill, I'm not gonna-”

“Shut up you little degenerate, I don't want to hear another word out of you for the rest of my life!”

“Dad, let him go-”

“You too Theodore, I never want to see him again, you hear! Shut your mouth and get in the car now.”

“Ted, just go-”

“What did I just say, you little fa-”

And with that, Ted punched his father, the police chief of San Dimas, in the face.

The other officer on the scene pulled him back and immediately cuffed him, pushing him up to the wall. Captain Logan had responded to this by slamming Bill face first into a wall, which made Bill scream.

The other officer then focused on getting captain Logan under control, and by the time he'd taken him outside the gas station and calmed him down, Ted had run across the room to kneel by Bill. He'd wiggled out of his handcuffs (he's the police chief’s son, of course he knows how) and gently touched Bill’s face, which Bill was struggling to not streak with tears. 

“Are you okay?”

Bill sniffed, trying desperately not to cry in front of all these assholes. He shot Ted a shaky smile.

“Better than ever, dude.”

Ted chuckled softly, and Bill did too, but it made him wheeze and groan and he let his head fall back against the wall. Ted was just beginning to wonder what the consequences of kissing him again would be when the second officer came in, a grave look on his face. Ted scrambled to pick his cuffs back up, but the officer just shook his head. 

“You kids beat this guy up for homophobic remarks?”

Ted glanced at Bill, but Bill looked afraid underneath his arrogant face, so Ted turned back and replied “Yes, sir. We did.”

He heard Bill breathe in quickly, an almost-gasp, and he piped up “It was mostly me-”

Ted interrupted him with his own confession. “It was both of us, I did plenty of it, we were just-”

The officer waved his hand and they both shut up.

“Stand up. Both of you.”

Ted helped Bill stand, and they both turned slowly to face the officer. He walked around behind them and uncuffed Bill, and took the pair Ted had in his hand. 

“You two had better get the fuck outta dodge. And I should too;” he glanced at the kid still on the floor and the cashier talking to a third officer outside. “My husband will be waiting.”

And with that, he turned and walked away. Bill and Ted looked at each other, both somewhat amazed, and they both bolted for the door. The third officer moved to stop them, but the second held his hand out and said something they couldn't hear that stopped her.

They hopped in their van and drove all the way out of San Dimas to a field that Ted had discovered once while riding along with his dad on a drug case. There they stopped, climbed into the backseat, and took what felt like their first full breath since Soda Asshole walked into the circle k.

They sat in silence for a while, Ted listening to Bill’s wheezing get better, before Bill finally spoke up.

“I'm sorry for kissing you.”

Ted immediately was thrown back into his abyss of thoughts about Bill and kissing Bill and touching Bill and Bill’s pretty eyes and hair and chest and voice and hands and he didn't realize he was talking until he heard himself say “No, it's okay. It was nice.”

Needless to say, he turned a bit pink in the back of the dark van.

Bill shifted against his side of the van.

“Yeah?”

Ted fiddled with his hands.

“Yeah.”

It was quiet again. Ted wished Bill would say something. Anything.

“Are you gay, dude?”

Okay. Not that.

It took a moment for Ted to respond. He didn't want to tell Bill, or anyone, but he would never ever lie to Bill. And Bill wouldn't hate him if he was, right? He swallowed hard and looked at anything but Bill.

“...yeah.”

Bill shifted again, and it made him cough. That made Ted sit up at attention, but Bill didn't cough again. It was only quiet for another few seconds before Bill whispered “I think I am too, dude.” and then started coughing again.

Ted slid over to him in an instant, a hand on the bottom of his ribcage, which happened to be right where Bill’s crop top gave way to his skin. In the time it took Ted to try and decide whether to leave it there or not, Bill stopped coughing. Ted was distracted enough by this that he left it there and looked up at Bill’s face. Bill looked back at him. They stared at each other for a while, Ted feeling the rise and fall of Bill’s breathing, and it wasn't long before Bill leaned forward again and this time Ted quickly followed suit.

Bill tasted a little too much like blood to be comfortable, but Ted didn't care because he'd been wanting this for ages and he wasn't about to stop now that he'd gotten it.

The two of them made out in the back of their van for a while, Ted never moving his hand from Bill’s stomach and Bill holding onto his face, until Bill eventually let go and slid his hands down Ted’s front until he found Ted’s hips. They stayed there for a while, until Bill moved them lower and Ted jumped back on reflex. 

Bill was immediately apologetic. Ted brushed his apologies off, Bill insisted, both went on for a short while until they both started laughing.

After they'd calmed down, Ted had taken it upon himself to clean Bill’s wounds. He poured water straight from the bottle onto his face, dropping some into Bill’s mouth when he opened it and tilted his head back like a baby bird. Ted then moved to take of his shirt, to look at his chest wounds of course, and as he did so Bill groaned. Ted paused, and after a moment gently patted his stomach.

“Hey Bill?”

Bill popped one eye open to look at him.

“Dude, how come you never told the lady that we aren't boyfriends?”

Bill closed his eye again and pressed his lips together, and Ted worried he might've said something wrong until Bill spoke.

“Because I wanted it to be true, dude. I wanted us to be boyfriends.”

Ted paused. He felt way too nervous, it was just Bill after all.

“Do you think… you still want to be boyfriends?”

Bill opened both eyes this time and looked at Ted for a solid ten seconds before saying “Of course I do, I just said so didn't I?” to which Ted responded “No, you used past tense!”

“Are you calling me tense?”

“You know what I meant!”

“I got my fucking nipples pierced dude, how did you not know I was gay?”

“I mean...”

There was a pause.

“Does this mean we're boyfriends now?”

Bill pushed himself further up the side of the van.

“I guess so dude.”

They looked at each other.

Ted whispered a reverent “excellent,” and Bill grinned up at him.

They flailed about wildly in a rowdy display of their air guitar skills.

And with that, the two of them devolved into relentless giggles that no one would really ever understand but them.

And for the first time for as long as either Bill or Ted could remember, that felt okay.

They were gonna be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> *recorder solo plays as the screen fades to black on bill and ted giggling up a storm*


End file.
